BTK

The BTK killer

I watched “I Survived the BTK killer” last night on TV, and was left with a sour stomach, broken heart and unable to sleep. This revelation is coming from a murder mystery writer who has been accused (more than once) of being a “sick puppy’ concerning my books “Evil in the Mirror” and “Day Stalker.”

The program didn’t center on Dennis Rader, known as the BTK killer. Instead it focused on three people who lost loved ones to Rader’s horrible sexual fantasy murders. These three people tell a story much sadder than the slain victims because they live the horror of these murders each and every day of their lives, as do the rest of the families involved who were not spotlighted on the program.

The old saying “You can’t make this stuff up” rings true when you study the real deal in murder and mayhem. Researching murder is not fun in the first place, but it becomes particularly nerve-racking when you run across someone like Dennis Rader. I am not going to go into detail about this horrible excuse for a human being. Click the title of this blog if for some obscure reason you have never heard of him.

The reason I watched this program in the first place is because I am ready to continue writing my third murder mystery called “The Phoenix Code.” I already have the story board completed and have finished eleven chapters, but I needed a break from writing. I wanted a fresh approach to the task at hand. I have no intention of changing my style, “sick is as sick does.” I just wanted to see through fresh eyes the horror of murder. Brother, BTK fills the bill.

The sour stomach comes from the knowledge that Dennis Rader was not executed but is spending the rest of his life in prison. Although I am (in principle) against capital punishment, the idea of this monster living leaves me sickened. The prosecution made a deal so they could learn the scope of his killings and close the chapter on this guy. To me, and the families involved, this is little consolation given the absolute horror and pain his victims went through.

One man who lost his mother, father, brother and sister to this monster stated at the trial, face to face with Dennis Rader, in a clear and steady voice, “You did not manage to wipeout our my family because I survived what you did to my loved ones. I win because you are never going to see the light of day again.” The reality was that during the program this brave and courageous young man wanted revenge in the worst way. He wanted his time alone in a room with Dennis Rader. Believe me if you had seen this man on the program, you would know that Rader would be a dead man.

There is no question that the BTK killer probably will not survive incarceration. Just like Jeffery Dahmer and others before him, he will die in prison, but not from natural causes. I believe this a fitting end to Dennis Rader. This, and only this, will close the last chapter of one of the most chilling real life murder mysteries on record.

My broken heart is not just for the victims and families of these murders, but also for the wife and children of Dennis Rader. He managed to live an exemplary life in his community, hiding in plain sight, as it were. I can’t even comprehend how his wife and children must feel. She was sleeping with a monster that surely now makes her skin crawl. His children are stained for life and have a long, hard road to hoe. It won’t be easy for them, but with the grace of God, they too will survive the BTK killer.

Write on,

Mittster

Frankly, I Don't Give a Damn!

Frankly, traditional publishers, I don't give a damn! If I die not selling another book, you can rest assured that using a POD (Print On Demand) publisher is light years ahead of trying to get a pompous, élite, self-serving, holier than thou, snobbish, dinosaur ass, traditional publisher to even open your manuscript envelope, let alone read it. I have heard that they have huge trash cans for unopened manuscript envelopes and use them to stay warm in the winter, which is impossible considering they are reptilian.

I have lost count of the horror stories concerning newbie writers being treated like sub humans at the hands of traditional publishers. Worse yet, if you were one of the very fortunate writers able to get signed by one of these publishing houses, your status went from subhuman to slave. Forget keeping the content of your novel, it will be tweaked into oblivion. Not to worry though; the odds of getting published are worse than winning the lottery!

Did I send my manuscript to some traditional publishers? Yes. But, after wasting about fifty bucks on postage, I decided it would be cheaper in the long run to hire a POD publisher. After much research and a little luck, I found the perfect publisher, Wheatmark, Inc.

Here is the gist of an e-mail I received today from Wheatmark:

“We received your Proof Approval Form and have released your files to the printer. You will receive your Author Sample Copies in about a week from today.”

In other words, my sequel murder mystery, Day Stalker, has gone to press!

That’s what I’m talking about…. While some newbie authors are waiting for word on manuscripts that will never come, I just had my second novel published. I am already working on the third novel, The Phoenix Code, anticipating finishing the trilogy in May.

What are you waiting for? Get your books started; a great adventure waits!

Write on,

Mittster

Free Book Writing Course

I really don't like the idiot's guide to this, that or the other thing. Not because it is demeaning and politically incorrect, but rather because it's too far to the left to describe me. Dolt fits me rather nicely. Although, I do have some pride; it's Mr. Dolt to you!

Since today's blog is a book-writing course, I will get on with it.

A. Screw what anyone has ever told you about writing. You can write and be a dolt at the same time.

B. If I can write a novel, even Alfred E. Newman can write one.

C. Author newbies can't make any money writing. This is true, but in today's economy, you can't make any money anyway. At least you can be creative while eating peanut butter and jelly sammies.

D. There are no conventional publishers that will take on your book. This is also true, but you can sell gold jewelry and hire a POD (Publish on Demand) publisher.

E. If you are passionate about your desire to write a book, the book will magically appear on Amazon.com. This is false, but if you work half as hard writing your book as you did trying to figuring out reasons why you can't write, it will appear on Amazon.com and your pride level will top out in the stratosphere.

F. Your book idea will be so good that other people will promote it. False again; you will be promoting your books until you leave the planet. Writing and promoting are your job, but not to worry, both are fun, especially when you sign your first book for your first customer!

Evil in the Mirror

G. How do you actually start writing a book? It's easy; write one word, then two, then a sentence. Sit back and read your first sentence. Write other sentences until you have a paragraph. Sit back and read your first paragraph. Keep writing until you have a chapter. Once you have a chapter, sit back and read it. If it excites you no end, keep writing. If you fall asleep, it's all over but the crying. You have just discovered you have no passion and you need to try finger painting. Don't be too worried about mistakes. Proofing and editing can be done by others. If you have no friends to help with fine tuning your book, sell some more gold jewelry. You’re going to need the money.

H. There is no way I can figure out how to copyright my book and all the other stuff I see in the pages of other books. Again, not to worry...the POD publisher will handle all the technical stuff. Great, one less reason for you to procrastinate.

I. When you run out of gold jewelry to sell, there is always your first born. Never give up or give in…there are worse ways not to earn a living.

Write on,

Mittster

Insanity vs. Sanity

Have you noticed that “sane people” know everything? Whereas insane people, like me, know very little, especially as we get older. It’s easy for me to say, “The older I get, the less I know.” Why, because I believe it to be true. To the sane people, or “they” as I like to call them, my comments are insane. Actually, some people who read my gibberish blogs are a little more polite and refer to me as an emotionally unstable and sometime humorous author. To the people out there who read my murder mysteries, they find it hard to justify that such a sick, depraved person could have any sense of humor at all.

My wife loves my murder mysteries and has read them many times in her role as proofer and editor. When her mother called after trying to read my first novel “Evil in the Mirror” to warn her daughter of impending doom because she was obviously married to a homicidal maniac, my wife patiently informed her that her son-in-law just has a very active imagination. Thank God mother-in-law didn’t finish the book, let alone read the sequel. The point is that my mother-in-law is sane and because of that, she must now lay awake at nights wondering when I am going to murder her in a most foul and gruesome way! While I in no way compare myself to Stephen King, I sometimes wonder how his family copes living with him. He is not only a writer of very scary books, but he is also a scary looking guy with no sense of humor. Mother-in-law should be afraid of him, not me.

Getting back to sane people who know everything – I listen to our Washington politicians, who are mostly old senile know-it-alls, who should be in nursing homes, profess to know what is the best for just about everything under the sun. Somehow freeloading in Congress for decade after decade makes them geniuses. If that is sanity, I want no part of it. I also listen to radio talk show gurus from the left and right who somehow think being a public speaker makes them centers for world knowledge. Come to think of it, the United Nations professes to be the reservoir for universal wisdom. God help us all!

For the most part, I think all my friends on Twitter and Facebook are insane. Most don’t know it all and have a deep concern for people and all the creatures of the planet. Our beautiful blue planet means more than just a place to see how much money and power one can accumulate; it also represents our spaceship for survival. I like this kind of insanity rather than the sanity of the so-called “know it all” people. It is time for the insane to stand up and be counted. I, for one, am standing now with my right hand held high in the air showing the peace sign with two fingers for the insane of the world, and my left hand even higher in the air showing one finger to all the rest!

Write on,

Mittster

Writer's Cramp

Yes, it’s true…I have writer’s cramp. Dirty words to be sure, but true nonetheless. I am so embarrassed to admit this condition on the Internet, but someone needs to stand up and be counted for the hundreds, if not thousands, of newbie writers out there who have this affliction but are afraid to come out of the closet. I have tried everything I can think of to remedy this situation, including soaking my hands in hot water and Epsom salt and me in vodka, but nothing seems to work.

I have tried therapy, but alas, no one in the group has writer’s cramp anymore. Instead, they have all become alcoholics from vodka – so why should I listen to them.

Besides, even though the group therapist is not hooked on vodka, she is not even a novelist. How could she know the shame of writer’s cramp?

As I look back on my writing experiences and the colossal challenge of writing and publishing two murder mysteries, it becomes apparent that writer’s cramp syndrome did not affect me until after I started trying to market my books on Facebook, Twitter, Websites, Amazon and God only knows how many other Internet sites designed to sell books. One bright side of not being able to use my hands is that I am not pulling what’s left of my hair out due to poor book sales!

While sitting here poking the keys on the keyboard with pencils taped between each claw hand in an effort to get my message of despair out to the handful of readers who might stumble on my blog, it behooves me to remember that readers are easily turned off by sniffling, pathetic, wannabe writers who can’t handle rejection.

Oh, what’s the use – wait a minute, I am receiving an e-mail from an author friend who claims to have cured her writer’s cramp. Can it be true? Is there a chance for me? OMG, I have finally found the cure as suggested by novelist Eri Nelson in her e-mail. She has lost her Internet connection now for over a week and her writer’s cramp has disappeared. Excuse me while I take a hammer to my modem and router. By the time I am able to replace the hardware and reboot my computer, I too shall be cured of writer’s cramps. Glory be and thank you, Eri….

Write on? Not!

Mittster

Fifteen Minutes to Live

What would you do if you only had fifteen minutes to live? We all probably would want to see family and friends one last time; that’s a no brainer. I would want to pet our dogs and talk to our parrot one last time too. Of course, praying for forgiveness for any and all hurt I had caused in my life is also high on the list.

Perhaps calling distant relatives and friends would be in order, although I wouldn’t know what to say. After all I haven’t talked to them in years. What communications we have had have been e-mails. Come to think of it, I haven’t written a letter in a coon’s age. I’m not sure I could actually sit down and handwrite a letter to anyone. It would take forever and snail mail would even take longer. Besides, now I have only eleven minutes to live.

I have never been very good at saying goodbye to people in the first place, and in the second place, not that many people would miss me anyway. You could say that I have remained distant from many acquaintances simply because I didn’t want to go through the pain of them passing, let alone them suffering because of my passing. It’s selfish, I suppose, but true nonetheless. I used to be that way with pets too, but now I have suffered many times when our pets passed on and I understand that “This too shall pass.” Before too long we replace Fido with yet another pet. Our parrot, Pickles, will undoubtedly outlive all of us. I wonder if he will miss me. This, by the way, reminds me I have only seven minutes to live.

How do I tell my wife how much I love her? Words fail me with that task. I guess a simple “I love you” will suffice. The same holds true for my twin brother and children. An “I love you” will have to do. The only problem is that our Internet, cell phone and land line are down due to a power failure. There is no way to contact anyone…especially when you only have two minutes to live.

I have never felt so alone and isolated as right this minute. What did people do before the inventions that enabled instant communications? How did someone communicate their love of live and family with only one minute to live? I guess they just couldn’t. That is truly sad.

Wait a minute – the power just came back on! I hear the TV playing and my computer booting up. Thank you, God, we have Internet again! Just in the nick of time I, might add. I only had thirty seconds before I was going to throw the toaster in the bathtub full of water and jump in. Life is not worth living without Internet!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

The 800-Pound Gorilla

The wonderful thing about having a blog that most people don't read is that I get to say almost anything I want. I could say some things that would force Google to boot my booty off-line, but that would be counterproductive.

This blog makes me absolutely no money, so I can't lose what I don't have. I thought about ringing the perimeter of this blog with advertising like the Big Gorilla Blogs, but I hate it every time I accidentally click on one and end up in a mystic ad land that refuses to let my back or shut down icons work. I end up pushing my finger hard and deep into the computer tower off-button just to escape, and then I have to deal with the re-start-up fiasco.

I do use this blog to promote my books, but the nineteen people who read my blogs have already bought the book, so the promotions mostly look on blind eyes. That's OK, though; I do get an occasional lol, lmao and such.

At least now I can start promoting my new book and give my small following something new to look at. Unfortunately, they will get bored quickly and I will have to try to be funny again to keep their attention. That too is OK. Humor is the only paycheck for unknown, newbie authors. I'm not complaining, laughing far outweighs crying, and I don't waste Kleenex.

So what keeps me going down the lonely, newbie author pathway? I'll tell you something - there is no one answer. Passion for writing is the main thing, but ego is another. Most will not admit to the latter. I freely do, because it's my blog and no one reads it. I refuse to write two murder mysteries and let them become obscure in the bowles of Amazon. My ego won't allow it. There is also the matter of fame. Yes, I want fame and fortune and I want them now! There, I've said it and I feel much better for it....

There are a few of the nineteen people who read my blogs that wish it would just fade away. You know who you are! Forget it, this blog will be up and running till the day I go to the big blog in the sky. Unlike writing a novel, which takes months and sometimes years to write, blogs are here and now. It's self-gratification to the extreme. It's like Meg Ryan in her famous scene in When Harry Met Sally.

Oh, crap, now my secrets are out. Ego, Fame and Eroticism are great motivators also....

Write on,

Mittster

Bad Habit # 333

I am really trying to not get up at three a.m. anymore. I finished my first two novels, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, and the third one, The Phoenix Code, is on the shelf because I am now working as a consultant for a construction company from Hawaii.

Even though my passion is writing, it was time to refurbish the coffers until I retire yet again and pick up where I left off. My problem is that for two years while writing murder mysteries, I would get up no later than three a.m. and most times earlier. By two p.m. I would be ready to lie down for the day. Well, I can’t do that anymore – The Islands are three hours behind our time. When the team in Hawaii gets geared up for their day, I’m nodding off at my desk!

It’s a good thing I still enjoy working with spreadsheets and calculations or this gig could be the straw that broke the old camel’s back. The truth be known, working for this company is very exciting and I look forward to each day. I did mention to my wife that this will be my last hurrah, and then I will retire from construction for real. That comment was bull poop and I knew it…I will quit after they lay my worn-out carcass to rest.

I am grateful this opportunity came my way while we are suffering from the deepest worldwide recession I have ever seen, to say nothing of the natural disasters that have been plaguing the world right and left. Sometimes it is good to step back and be thankful for what we have, instead of worrying about what we think we should have. I am blessed with a fantastic family, a roof over our heads and food to eat. The rest is just icing on the cake.

In the meanwhile, I was again out of bed at exactly three a.m. with my wife’s parting word ringing in my head, “Idiot!”

She’s just saying,

Mittster

"Newbie Writing Club"

As I worked with my publisher on my first and second novels, it became more evident that the first time, wanna be writers will have a daunting task ahead. I look back at all the wasted time and money I spent trying to self-publish, print, store, distribute and build Websites for two small self-help books (thinking all along I could do it by myself) only to discover it was the wrong approach.

Let’s face it, I got caught up in the Internet hype…Let me show you how to make millions on the Internet! Beware my friends; it’s really just the start of a bad trip down Internet fantasy land. After two years of trial, error and frustration beyond belief, there are really only three simple answers that spell success. Research, research, and more research! I absolutely recommend starting in the public library unless you are very, very Internet savvy. It’s free, simple and won’t empty your wallet. Everything you can buy on line is free in the library! Yes, it is time consuming, but for the budget minded, a perfect solution. The problem with researching on line is that everything has a price tag unless you know where to look and knowing where to look also takes time and can cost a boatload of bucks and a computer full of viruses.

The big question is; can I self-publish my novel without spending money? The answer is basically, NO! The good news is that you can publish with a moderate budget. If you are thinking about using a POD (print on demand) publisher, research is so very important. I researched for many months looking for that perfect combination and finally found it with Wheatmark, Inc. based in Tucson, Arizona. While they were perfect for me, that does not mean they will be perfect for you. Remember; research, research and more research!

For those of you who are serious about writing that first book and joining the “newbie club,” don’t hesitate to e-mail me if you need help finding your way. The only time I charge for advice is if we are on Skype learning how to actually write that first novel. E-mail conversations are for free advice; sometimes I need help too and I don’t hesitate to ask my author friends for their advice via e-mails.

I can tell you one thing for sure. The excitement of seeing your first book on Amazon.com will blow your mind. In fact, so much so that you will need to sit down. Seeing the second book is even more exciting. I actually needed an attitude adjustment because my already large head turned into the Goodyear blimp! My wife deflated my head quickly by reminding me that now I needed to sell the books. Oh, I forgot about that….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Author 101

I think most of us, at one time or another; have thought how great it would be to write a novel. I also think we have all tried our hand at writing poetry. What most of us haven’t done is get serious about writing.

Author Eri Nelson recently commented on Facebook that, “In my moments of shaken endeavors, I will rejoice in success of my resolve to try.” This statement exemplifies what being an author is really about. If you write because you are compelled to do so and you rejoice in the effort, that is enough compensation, because, usually, that will be all the compensation you ever get.

Do not write because you think you are going to be rich and famous. That concept is an illusion, and with some a delusion that can become an obsession causing metal problems. Write because at that moment in time you feel free, alive and excited about writing the next chapter and the next. Becoming one with your story is living the book as you write it. Even to the point when you know that the story must end, you want to continue. It is at this point you write the sequel.

For those of you who have always wanted to write, but were afraid of failure and/or ridicule, I say follow your passion and dreams. Find time in your busy life to start one sentence and keep going until you have a paragraph. The next thing you know is that you have written your first chapter. From that point forward you will be hooked and nothing will get in your way of becoming an author; not even yourself. Which, by the way, is the only real thing blocking your success.

I remember starting my first murder mystery with fear and much anxiety. What if this and what if that? Oh, my, how do I write the first sex scene? How do I describe the first murder? How do I make it believable? When the time came to describe these topics, I was surprised to discover that every movie, TV show and written article I had ever seen came to mind, and I was able to write every juicy detail with vigor and take the reader to places they really didn’t want to go.

“Mitt, you are one sick puppy,” was what I heard from many readers who were unable to stop reading until the book was finished. I may be a sick puppy, but the readers reveled in my sickness. Like my wonderful wife explained to her elderly mother after she called while reading Evil in the Mirror; “Mom, it’s called imagination. I am perfectly safe with my author husband!”

Thank you, Mum, for being concerned about your daughter’s safety. You are my best critic.

Write on,

Mittster

Newbie Authors

I have some newbie author friends out there who are just about to jump off a bridge because they can’t make a living as an author. They know their work is not only good, but brilliant, yet they still can’t sell enough books to even come close to recouping their investment of time, money, sweat and tears.

Unless you are an author, you can never truly appreciate the work it takes to write a novel. It takes months of research, proofing, editing, more and more proofing and editing, and that’s not the half of it. Creativity takes energy and sometimes the energy just isn’t there. That is called writer’s block and even though it isn’t permanent, the delay causes depression.

That is when an author really has to prove his or her salt. They have to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and get on with writing yet another chapter – then another and so on until the rough draft is finally finished.

You might ask yourself why someone would go to all that trouble and then have to face the fact that it’s a one in a billion chance that the book will become popular, let alone a “best seller.”

All newbie writers know the odds, yet they try with all their heart and soul to beat the odds. Therein lies the rub – you see, writers are compelled to create stories that take their readers on a journey of discovery, no matter the genre. It’s not like they have a choice. Painters are much the same way; they paint because they must.

When you understand your compulsion, it becomes easier to accept the fact that you were born to write no matter what time in your life you started writing. Grandma Moses was elderly when she started painting and didn’t live long enough to fully understand the impact her work would have on the painting world.

I admire newbie writers because they take that monumental step to fulfill their desire to create. They write the first paragraph and then magic happens; a novel is born. I have come to the conclusion that we newbies share a common bond that will never be broken. So we don’t sell a million books, so what! How many people on the planet have accomplished what we have by writing a novel, let alone two or even more?

Stand tall, my fellow newbies, we can be satisfird with our accomplishments. I am proud to be an author, albeit unknown. I figure when my third murder mystery is completed, I will no longer be a newbie – just an unknown author who still has his integrity.

Write on,

Mittster

Naked Paul

I’m feeling sorry for the women who read my blogs and have been continually bombarded with images of almost naked Paul Winer, the owner of Reader’s Oasis Book Store in Quartzsite, Arizona. It was rude of me, to say the least.

I have attached a photo that might be more pleasing to the eye, albeit not as revealing as the Winer photographs. For this, I apologize, but it seems that Paul has a constitutional right to appear in public revealing more than the rest of the citizenry in America. He fought the federal government for years to obtain the right, as a naturalist, to reveal what most men or women really did not want to see in the first place.

I personally don’t know what all the fuss is about. I see more ugly flesh at WallyWorld than I have ever seen in Quartzsite! I hope this blog will ease concerns that I favor Paul over other men. The truth is that I don’t even like men. I prefer women; after all, I am a lesbian in a male body! OH, by the way, I have a constitutional right to say that….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Super Recession?

How does a newbie author sell books in a super recession? First of all you take your clothes off in the middle of Main Street; no, I’m just kidding. In my case, I would get arrested after I scared everyone away. Even though the idea is absurd, frustration is the mother of invention sometimes.

Every business owner is trying to figure out how to get people into their stores to increase sales. I have found book sales in obvious and not so obvious places. Take your specialty coffee houses like Starbucks or your local cyber café; these are perfect places to set up a small table to sell books. There is nothing better than a hot cup of cappuccino and a good book to start your day. This is especially true in the winter. Most owners welcome the opportunity to have you bring in more customers.

I have done well in bars, especially if you have friends there. This venue is good in the summer when folks go in to have a cold one. There are a few things to remember when you are selling books to folks who are drinking alcohol. First and foremost, don’t get drunk! Secondly, the genre needs to be suited to a bunch of beer drinking, redneck types. If your book has sex and violence in it, head for the pub. Drink and sell responsibly….

How about beauty salons? Leave a few books at the checkout counter. These women all read and most read anything that has a good storyline. This venue is not the place to leave books about how to hunt elk in Colorado or the greatest fishing spots in America. Murder mysteries and love stories will do very well indeed.

How about your local auto repair shop? Leave some books in the display case. The great thing about this venue is that all age groups are represented. I imagine most genres could do well here. It is important that you get your oil changed and repairs done at the auto repair shop you pick.

These are just a few places to think about when selling your work. Make sure to tell store owners, where you leave books, that you will be available to sign the work after the sale. A signed book justifies paying retail. After all, the buyer could just as easily go on line.

I also recommend that you do some research on door-to-door selling. You know, just like the preverbal vacuum cleaner salesmen who used to go door to door selling overpriced products. No, I’m not suggesting selling books door to door. Or am I? I need to go now so I can research encyclopedia sales techniques of the ‘60s. Don’t be surprised if I knock on your door soon!

Write on,

Mittster

Off To Work I Go

Well, today is the day I go back to work in construction. I was laid off February of 2009 and it has taken me this long to find a job again. Although be it part-time, I am thankful for the opportunity to prove that older than dirt folks can still work.

OK, even though I am not back in supervision, being a plumber's helper isn't that bad. Besides, I learned long ago that the trick to being a plumber was to know that liquid goes downhill and don't lick your fingers! Who knows, maybe this will turn out to be full time and I can be a real plumber.

If the last two years have taught me anything, it's that unemployment does suck, but buys food for the table, and being a successful author is a very tough nut to crack. I'm not giving up, but while I am writing my third murder mystery, part-time work will help pay the bills.

I am one of the lucky ones. Construction is still DOA and many, many people are out of work. I hope the economy recovers soon and everyone who wants to work will have jobs. It’s the American way!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Snow on Them Thar Hills

Our last day in Quartzsite, Arizona, dawned with bright, warm sunshine. The doves and quail waited impatiently for their morning seed as I hurried to the shed for their food. Today (Friday) would be hot enough for short sleeve shirts, and I was looking forward to spending some time with friends before heading home Saturday morning.

Sandy and I spent some of the day shopping for upcoming birthdays and then we ate leftover pizza from Silly Al's and scrumptious cream cheese and olive dip I had made the day before. I also managed to dig a fire pit and build some simple benches out of scrap logs. After the benches were complete, we sat and talked with our friends Lynne and Maurie in the glorious warm sun. The plan was to build a fire our last night in Quartzsite, but, as usual, I fell asleep before dark while watching Seinfeld. No problem, Lynne and Maurie will enjoy a fire during their stay.

Saturday's sunrise again was warm and inviting. Wouldn't you just know the weather would be perfect when it's time to head home! Oh, well, we had a great time and even though we hated to leave, we said goodbye to our friends and headed north for Camp Verde.

The trip was uneventful until we reached Copper Canyon on Interstate 17. "What the hell is that white stuff on the side of the mountain?" I asked my wife. "It's snow, you idiot," she responded. As we reached the summit and headed down into the Verde Valley, snow could be seen on all the surrounding mountains and especially on the San Francisco Peaks. Even though the sun was bright, the air was cold, and it was obvious that while we were away the weather must have been very nasty indeed.

While wearing coats and gloves to unload the truck, Sandy and I were shivering while day-dreaming of the warm lower desert. After all the work of unloading was finished, we settled in our king size bed with our dogs and watched football. I looked at my wonderful wife thinking, It doesn't get any better than this. I was reminded once again that there is no place like home.

I'm just saying,

Mittster

The 800-Pound Gorilla

The wonderful thing about having a blog that most people don't read is that I get to say almost anything I want. I could say some things that would force Google to boot my booty off-line, but that would be counterproductive.

This blog makes me absolutely no money, so I can't lose what I don't have. I thought about ringing the perimeter of this blog with advertising like the Big Gorilla Blogs, but I hate it every time I accidentally click on one and end up in a mystic ad land that refuses to let my back or shut down icons work. I end up pushing my finger hard and deep into the computer tower off-button just to escape, and then I have to deal with the re-start-up fiasco.

I do use this blog to promote my book, but the nineteen people who read my blogs have already bought the book, so the promotions mostly look on blind eyes. That's OK, though; I do get an occasional lol, lmao and such.

At least now I can start promoting my new book and give my small following something new to look at. Unfortunately, they will get bored quickly and I will have to try to be funny again to keep their attention. That too is OK. Humor is the only paycheck for unknown, newbie authors. I'm not complaining, laughing far outweighs crying, and I don't waste Kleenex.

So what keeps me going down the lonely, newbie author pathway? I'll tell you something - there is no one answer. Passion for writing is the main thing, but ego is another. Most will not admit to the latter. I freely do, because it's my blog and no one reads it. I refuse to write two murder mysteries and let them become obscure in the bowles of Amazon. My ego won't allow it. There is also the matter of fame. Yes, I want fame and fortune and I want them now! There, I've said it and I feel much better for it....

There are a few of the nineteen people who read my blogs that wish it would just fade away. You know who you are! Forget it, this blog will be up and running till the day I go to the big blog in the sky. Unlike writing a novel, which takes months and sometimes years to write, blogs are here and now. It's self-gratification to the extreme. It's like Meg Ryan in her famous scene in When Harry Met Sally.

Oh, crap, now my secrets are out. Ego, Fame and Eroticism are great motivators also....

Write on,

Mittster

Frankly, I Don't Give a Damn!

Frankly, traditional publishers, I don't give a damn! If I die not selling another book, you can rest assured that using a POD (Print On Demand) publisher is light years ahead of trying to get a pompous, élite, self-serving, holier than thou, snobbish, dinosaur ass, traditional publisher to even open your manuscript envelope, let alone read it. I have heard that they have huge trash cans for unopened manuscript envelopes and use them to stay warm in the winter, which is impossible considering they are reptilian.

I have lost count of the horror stories concerning newbie writers being treated like subhumans at the hands of traditional publishers. Worse yet, if you were one of the very fortunate writers able to get signed by one of these publishing houses, your status went from subhuman to slave. Forget keeping the content of your novel. It will be tweaked into oblivion. Not to worry though; the odds of getting published are worse than winning the lottery!

Did I send my manuscript to some traditional publishers? Yes. But, after wasting about fifty bucks on postage, I decided it would be cheaper in the long run to hire a POD publisher. After much research and a little luck, I found the perfect publisher, Wheatmark, Inc.

Here is the gist of an e-mail I received today from Wheatmark:

“We received your Proof Approval Form and have released your files to the printer. You will receive your Author Sample Copies in about a week from today.”

In other words, my sequel murder mystery, Day Stalker, has gone to press!

That’s what I’m talking about…. While some newbie authors are waiting for word on manuscripts that will never come, I just had my second novel published. I am already working on the third novel, The Phoenix Code, anticipating finishing the trilogy next May.

What are you waiting for? Get your book started; a great adventure waits!

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

Click on the title of this blog for the best definition of a dolt that I have found to date. It sure fits me to a T. Let us continue down the road of publishing your first novel. The road can be rocky and uphill, but once you gain confidence, it begins to be level and paved.

O. How do I find a publisher? This is the million dollar question that keeps most newbie writers from finishing their book project. The truth is that this question is the easiest to answer. You are not going to find a traditional publisher unless you have really high-up-the-ladder connections. If you had these connections, you wouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. This leaves a POD (publish on demand) publisher, or you become a self-published author. The latter is reserved for brains who can do all the technical stuff and don't mind having a garage full of books to sell. I prefer to use a POD. You don't have to deal with a garage full of books, copyrights, legal stuff (disclaimers), and technical issues because they are taken care of by the POD publisher.

P. Can I get my book published for free? No, you cannot. If you think you can, you have been listening to someone who is below dolt level. Somewhere around idiot, I should think. There is nothing for free in this world, but with research and commonsense, you can minimize the costs associated with publishing your book. The main thing is that it can be done, so quit worrying and finish your book project!

Q. How can I get my book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble? Once your book is published by a POD publisher, they will put your book on just about every virtual book store on the planet. Sit back and relax. It won't take long and you will be able to see your book cover, grabber, bio and price on line. That is an exciting day for sure!

R. Will my POD publisher promote my book? No, unless your name is Stephen King, which it isn't. You will be responsible for promoting your book. If you had the commitment to write the darn thing in the first place, you surely will have the commitment to promote it.

S. How long will it take me to become a best-selling author? Now that is a difficult question. If I quoted the daunting statistics concerning newbie authors, we all would be selling shoes for a living. This is where your passion and commitment comes in to play. Without great passion for your work, you will be buried in the negative press about how many books get published every year vs. how many authors are successful. Of course, it also depends on your definition of success. Seeing your book in print should be your first goal and a lofty goal it is. How many people do you know personally that are published authors? I only know one, and that is me. I find comfort in that statistic. Screw all the others.

End of series for now.

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course Continued

So, let's continue with getting you to start writing a novel. Remember, the mountain you are contemplating climbing is only as high as you make it. The first day I started writing Evil in the Mirror, I could have sworn I was climbing Everest, but it turned out to only be a mole hill.

I. How can I remember all the names, places and events in my book? That's an easy one. Set up a storyboard using a spreadsheet. I place all the characters, chapters, page numbers and events in the spreadsheet as I am writing the book. I can review it at any time and believe me, I review it constantly.

J. Research is way too hard. Not! Today's writers have the world at their fingertips. It's called the Internet. I use Google to find anything and everything! Do what I did; my first book is centered in 1968 Tucson, Arizona. No cell phones, personal computers or high-tech to deal with. I was born in Tucson, which made research that much easier. Working smart does not mean you're lazy. Make your first book easy! I like fiction personally. My books can be anything I want them to be.

K. Where do I get an idea for a book? Fire up your computer and Google any subject you can think of. Past experiences and people you have met give you a base to start from. Our heads are full of experiences that can be used for a book. So you have to tweak them a little or a lot, who cares? People who know me can't believe the horrible murders I have come up with. They think I should be in prison or on death row. Truth? I just used past experiences for settings and characters, and the killings were embelished from what I had seen on TV, the movies, and read in books. Use your imagination; that's what it's there for.

L. I'm not educated enough to write a book. Give me a break, I barely graduated from high school. All I have is a P.h.D in the school of hard knocks, but during that process, I taught myself how to touch-type and read everything I could get my hands on. I'm glad my education is from the streets. Have you ever tried to read something written by an over-educated twit? Boring!

M. I can't imagine spending years writing a book. Me either. The actual writing of Evil in the Mirror took three months and Day Stalker four months. I guess I slacked off on Day Stalker.

N. How many words should my book have? For fiction, the minimum is 60,000 and the maximum is 100,000. Historical novels go on, and on, and on.... I personally don't like long, drawn out books. When the story is over, it's over. Don't beat a dead horse.

To be continued....

Write on,

Mittster

Dolt Book-Writing Course

I really don't like the idiot's guide to this or that. Not because it is demeaning and politically incorrect, but rather because it's too far to the left to describe me. Dolt fits me rather nicely. Although, I do have some pride; it's Mr. Dolt to you!

Since today's blog is a book-writing course, I will get on with it.

A. Screw what anyone has ever told you about writing. You can write and be a dolt at the same time.

B. If I can write a novel, even Alfred E. Newman can write one.

C. Author newbies can't make any money writing. This is true, but in today's economy, you can't make any money anyway. At least you can be creative while eating peanut butter and jelly sammies.

D. There are no conventional publishers that will take on your book. This is also true, but you can sell what gold jewelery you have left and hire a POD (Publish on Demand) publisher.

E. If you are passionate about your desire to write a book, the book will magically appear on Amazon.com. This is false, but if you work half as hard writing your book as you did trying to figuring out reasons why you can't write, it will appear on Amazon.com and your pride level will top out in the stratosphere.

F. Your book idea will be so good that other people will promote it. False again; you will be promoting your books until you leave the planet. Writing and promoting are your job, but not to worry, both are fun, especailly when you sign your first book for your first customer!

G. How do I actually start writing a book? It's easy; write one word, then two, then a sentence. Sit back and read your first sentence. Write other sentences until you have a paragraph. Sit back and read your first paragraph. Keep writing until you have a chapter. Once you have a chapter, sit back and read it. If it excites you no end, keep writing. If you fall asleep, it's all over but the crying. You have just discovered you have no passion and you need to try finger painting. Don't be too worried about mistakes. Proofing and editing can be done by others. If you have no friends to help with fine tuning your book, sell some more gold jewelery. Your going to need the money.

H. There is no way I can figure out how to copyright my book and all the other stuff I see in the pages of other books. Again, not to worry...the POD publisher will handle all the technical stuff. Great, one less reason for you to procrastinate.

I. To be continued...

Write on,

Mittster