“If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(O.M.G.!!!)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home . WTF...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still can't believe that pig ...quality over quantity.)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that, too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig? God I love that pig!)”
Write on,
Mittster
Showing posts with label laughter is the best medicine. Show all posts
Showing posts with label laughter is the best medicine. Show all posts
Friday, January 27, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
More Looney Tunes
Save these for Monday morning - you will need the laughs.
I remember drinking beer through a staw...OK, I don't remember - someone had to tell me the next day.
No comment!
Not necessarily in that order!
This sign is not far from the nation's capitol
This sign is also not far from the nation's capitol
This sign is not far from the next presidential debate
No need to comment
Sage advice
I'm going to use this ploy to sell books
That be me
He looks familiar - I think he used to be my proctologist
Have a great Saturday - I'm going to jump off a bridge now!
Write on,
Mittster
I remember drinking beer through a staw...OK, I don't remember - someone had to tell me the next day.
No comment!
Not necessarily in that order!
This sign is not far from the nation's capitol
This sign is also not far from the nation's capitol
This sign is not far from the next presidential debate
No need to comment
Sage advice
I'm going to use this ploy to sell books
That be me
He looks familiar - I think he used to be my proctologist
Have a great Saturday - I'm going to jump off a bridge now!
Write on,
Mittster
Labels:
laugh,
laughing,
laughter,
laughter is the best medicine,
looney tunes
Friday, December 16, 2011
Lazy Madman Blog
For some reason I have decided to add comment to the pictures I plagiarized from Facebook and dumped on a blog because I am too lazy to think up something funny to write about. As far as I know the comments are my own unless they are not funny in which case, they too are plagiarized.
Since this picture was posted by a woman, I might as well add that I wished I could of thought of this during my divorce!
Humor sometimes leaves a bad taste in your mouth, especially if you don't cook the road kill enough.
I found this picture in extremely bad taste...the bear did not. By the way, the dweeb in front was also killed and eaten by the bear because he dropped his Blackberry and went back for it.
This is the real "Cat in the Hat." He will be buying one right away.
I don't get this one, but I don't get allot of things.
I have been trying to get people to say Fornicate Under the Consent of the King, but it has fallen on deaf ears or ear as the case may be.
I give up!
The tragedy is that I have had this happen to me more than twice!
I be the first day of Christmas....
And this is what I say if you don't like it!
No, these were not the good old days. These were the notes I was writing the girl I got pregnant in high school!
At which time I will pull out my .357 mag and rob the fools!
That's how I roll because I don't know any better!
I don't want anyone to believe this schmooze crap, that is why I saved the best for last.
Now maybe now I have managed to piss someone off!
Write on,
Mittster
Since this picture was posted by a woman, I might as well add that I wished I could of thought of this during my divorce!
Humor sometimes leaves a bad taste in your mouth, especially if you don't cook the road kill enough.
I found this picture in extremely bad taste...the bear did not. By the way, the dweeb in front was also killed and eaten by the bear because he dropped his Blackberry and went back for it.
This is the real "Cat in the Hat." He will be buying one right away.
I don't get this one, but I don't get allot of things.
I have been trying to get people to say Fornicate Under the Consent of the King, but it has fallen on deaf ears or ear as the case may be.
I give up!
The tragedy is that I have had this happen to me more than twice!
I be the first day of Christmas....
And this is what I say if you don't like it!
No, these were not the good old days. These were the notes I was writing the girl I got pregnant in high school!
At which time I will pull out my .357 mag and rob the fools!
That's how I roll because I don't know any better!
I don't want anyone to believe this schmooze crap, that is why I saved the best for last.
Now maybe now I have managed to piss someone off!
Write on,
Mittster
Labels:
blogs,
cartoons,
laughing,
laughter,
laughter is the best medicine
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