Ghost Town

Went to Camp Verde, Arizona, the other day…it was closed. This one liner concept by W. C. Fields is exactly what is happening to Main Street Camp Verde.

Even after the city spent tax revenues to bring our small town into the 21st century, business is not good and many stores are empty.

This blog is not about taxes, budgets, town government (or lack of) or politics. It is about the loss of many historic towns and townships in our country to recession and other factors. Camp Verde is the oldest settlement in the Verde Valley.

Fort Verde still stands as a testament to the old west spirit which is also going by the wayside in favor of strip malls and restaurants along the I-17 corridor between Phoenix and Flagstaff.

Few nowadays would even know where Camp Verde is, let alone give a rat’s ass about its future. But, for those of us who live here and know the history, Camp Verde is a paradise because it is small and small means less crime, noise, traffic and the like. I know what you’re thinking; this town sounds like a place for old folks who like to watch cactus grow. Guess again numb nuts. This town is a great place for us old folks to saddle up our Harleys and head out for a wide open country ride on a sunny day. Today is not one of those sunny days, and that is why I am sitting here writing a blog instead of riding.

We like the idea of seeing the occasional cowboy riding his horse down Main Street, and the old fashion parades for special occasions are no different than the ones I used to see when I was a kid way back in the wagon train days.

It’s also comforting to have the Camp Verde Marshal’s Office a few blocks away from where we live to help keep the peace. There is a mystique about the town marshals; they are like the Texas Rangers and have a long historical significance.

I would bet that there are some folks reading this blog who are experiencing the same thing in their small towns. It’s sad and frustrating to watch the decline of the small American town. I know that writing and complaining about it won’t change anything, but at least it helps to get it off my chest. Maybe the reason we don’t live any longer than we do is because we can’t handle too much change. If we lived a very long time, we would just have to suffer from broken hearts and be miserable until the end of our days.


Hey, I just heard tomorrow is going to be sunny and warm on the radio. I’m calling my riding buds and budettes and we can saddle up early and hit the road. The roar of our bikes will soon help us forget our problems as we head for the horizon with the wind in our hair or what’s left of it. Life is good!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

King Mittster

I know most of us have given thought of what it would be like if we could be king or queen of the world for a day. Just thinking of the wrongs we could make right gives us all hope and inspiration even if it were just for a fleeting moment in time.

Well, guess what, my fellow Americans, I have taken it one step further. I am now king of the whole world for one full twenty-four hour day. You may ask how this miracle happened and the answer is simple. I proclaimed it, so let it be written – let it be done!

I know we live in a democracy and voting for a President and other noneffective political positions in our government is the usual way leaders are proclaimed. But, because of the total ineffectual, comical and idiotic way things have turned out, having me for your King for a day will be sufficient time to straighten many things out.

Let’s start with our multi-trillion dollar deficit. As of this second, we no longer have a National debt. Why? Because I am now calling in all the money owed this country from foreign countries that we rebuilt after the really, really bad guys bombed and occupied their countries during W.W.II. I am also calling in the money we spent repairing the countries that mothered the bad guys, which was the reason we had to bomb them into submission in the first place. Money received…National debt gone!

Picture of Berlin, Germany

Effectively immediately, there will be no more corruption in our Government. Anyone over the age of forty will be retired with no pension, healthcare or Social Security until they have reached the age of seventy. At which time, they will participate in the same programs with which the rest of us are strapped. Misery loves company! Why do they have to wait until they are seventy? Because that is exactly what they want us to do so they can rake in even more money for perks.

All Federal, state, and municipal governments will be privatized in a matter of minutes after this proclamation is read. How? Not one government worker will receive a paycheck until they find a civilian employer willing to hire them. Since there are no jobs, and even if there were, no one would hire them; I suggest they pack their bags and hit the road to France. I hear that country is looking for government type lackeys all the time.

As soon as possible, all military personnel will be transferred from all foreign countries and stationed along the American – Mexican border. Any and all drug smugglers caught peddling their poison will be shot and then retained in a freezer for deportation. Illegals crossing the border will be retained and then deported to France to serve all the American politicians moving there. Any and all coyotes caught smuggling illegals across the border will be tied to a mesquite tree and left in the elements for a minimum of thirty days without water or food. If their skeletons can walk after that time period is up, they may return to their own country without further harassment.

Now what about banks, lending institutions and investment companies? Everyone knows I am against capital punishment, mainly because too many innocent people have been executed by overzealous district attorneys who would have an innocent person die before admitting to being wrong. So what do we do with these greedy, corrupt, ruthless money grubbers who would steal a widow’s last dime to live the lavish lifestyle which they have become accustomed?

The answer is simple; we let the Wall Streeters fight it out with the district attorneys in mortal jousting combat just like on television. The winners will be deported to England where jousting originated and is still practiced in the House of Commons.

Ah, yes, the high cost of medical care. The solution is so simple – for every five minutes you are kept waiting past your appointment time, you will receive one hundred dollars.

The money is to be paid in cash and due upon leaving of the doctor’s office. Problem solved, and in no time you will have enough money to send your kids to medical school and then be able to receive free medical care for the duration.

The problem of the high cost of gas is not really a problem anymore. Five minutes ago I nationalized all the gas companies in America and its territories. The price of gas and other fuels will be no higher than fifty cents a gallon. Anyone trying to gouge a customer will have to drink the amount of fuel they tried to cheat you for. It’s called an eye for an eye! The offending dealer can go to his doctor and probably make more money on the one hundred dollar refund deal than he would have trying to cheat you in the first place.

Four flavors to pick from.

Oh, crap, my wife tells me that my day of being King is over.

If you missed out on any of the measures I initiated, I am truly sorry. I guess a day just isn’t long enough to make a difference. Well, it sure wasn’t for the lack of trying….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Looney Tunes Time

It is raining, cold and miserable here in northern Arizona today. I can only offer these few laughable cartoons today in hopes someone else needs a lift.... I will take the laptop in the garage and show these to my Harley in hopes of lifting her spirits too!

If a guy this ugly can make it...we all can!!

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Brain Power

As our bodies start to show age and a multitude of physical systems slowly begin to break down, time marches through our bodies like the Angel of Death swinging his sickle with malice of forethought. He attacks our skin, muscles, hair, eyes and even our unmentionables. Yes, even our desires start to wane. It is like our whole body starts to crumble down around us and, like Humpty Dumpty; we are powerless to stop the fall.

Some can’t stand the thought of decline, so they have tummy tucks, butt tucks, eyelid tucks, arm tucks, breast tucks, face lifts and, in fact, I don’t think there is anything that can’t be tucked, lifted or enlarged. Of course one exception is the hair transplant, which explains why some people look like “The Donald Trump.” But, alas…even after thousands and thousands of dollars spent tucking, plucking, sucking, adding, subtracting, injecting and objecting, Father Time still has his way with us.

There is one horrible exception; our brains watch the destruction of our bodies with relish and great pleasure. The torture is sublime for our all seeing mind’s eye. It’s the payback for all the times we drank too much, smoked too much, partied too much, made love too much (maybe not this one) and generally abused our bodies. The brain never forgets and waits patiently for “The Decline.” It is simply insidious that we have to watch our young, firm bodies start to sag ever lower toward the ground while our brain still dances and kicks its neurons high in the air with laughter and pure delight.

You see the mind holds consciousness and our brain knows that even before we are born. While the doctor slaps our butts after delivery, the brain starts planning revenge for things that haven’t even happened yet! The brain is thinking, I feel future abuse coming soon – isn’t it grand! Since consciousness goes on forever, the brain never really dies. How unfair is that? Our brains make us watch our own demise second after second, minute after minute, day after day, year after year – OK, you get it.

Well, I’ve got news for you Mr. Brain; I have a plan. From this moment on, I am going to wear a full body, black cloak. Yes, it will even cover my head. I have an eight day supply of cloaks so that when they need cleaning I will still have an extra one to wear. Oh, by the way, during showers and cloak cleaning days, I will be wearing a Zorro mask without holes for the eyes. I will not be able to see my body, nor will I touch my body without gloves. There is no way I will know how fast I am aging.

Oh, yes, I know what you are thinking; I will never see my body again.

On this point you are correct, but the beauty of this plan is that you won’t get too see my body ever again either! "What do you think about that Mr. Smarty Brain? What did you say? I will still feel my body shrinking slowly to the floor under the cloak?"

Damn, foiled again! Is there no way to outwit the brain? I think not….

I’m just saying,

Mittster