So You Want To Be An Author

So what is keeping you from joining the ranks of millions of other unknown, broke and downtrodden author wannabes? All it takes is money to get your novel published in today’s book world. There are many print-on-demand or POD publishers out there just waiting for you to happen by, said the spider to the fly.

I know much has been said about the thrill of seeing your book in print and for sale on Amazon.com, and there is some truth in that visual treat. The only downside is that unless you are independently wealthy, you will surely slink back to your day job to keep beans on the table and wonder if the effort was worth it.

My murder mysteries, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker are indeed on Amazon and my name is plastered all over many pages on Google, but book sales are dismal no matter how hard I try to promote them. Could this mean the books are garbage? It could, but they are not; just check out the reviews! Something else is the cause of stale book sales.

The world economy certainly plays a large part. It’s hard to sell anything right now, let alone new books at retail when people can go to used book stores or better yet, a library and get books for free. I don’t blame anyone for doing that; readaholics need their fix and when money is scarce, libraries are the place to go.

Another possibility is that traditional publishers have become so elite that sending a manuscript to them is an exercise in futility and a waste of postage. How the big publishers stay so snobbish is a mystery to me (no pun intended). I think there is a method to their madness though. If you publish only known, bestselling authors, you don’t waste profits on promoting someone unknown that may or may not sell many books.

On a positive note, I am not going to throw in the towel. Maybe I can outlive the publishing snobs and snobettes and still become a bestselling author. In the meanwhile, I think I will fire up the Harley and go for a ride. When I get back, things will look much better and I will be able to continue writing my new murder mystery called The Phoenix Code. After all, writing is my passion while money is just a means to an end. I think the term “starving author” has some dignity to it. No one likes an obese bestselling author!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Can’t Kick the Habit

I am really trying to not get up at three a.m. anymore. I finished my first two novels, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, and the third one, The Phoenix Code, is on the shelf because I am now working as a consultant for a construction company from Hawaii.

Even though my passion is writing, it was time to refurbish the coffers until I retire yet again and pick up where I left off. My problem is that for two years while writing murder mysteries, I would get up no later than three a.m. and most times earlier. By two p.m. I would be ready to lie down for the day. Well, I can’t do that anymore – The Islands is three hours behind our time. When the team in Hawaii gets geared up for their day, I’m nodding off at my desk!

It’s a good thing I still enjoy working with spreadsheets and calculations or this gig could be the straw that broke the old camel’s back. The truth be known, working for this company is very exciting and I look forward to each day. I did mention to my wife that this will be my last hurrah, and then I will retire from construction for real. That comment was bull poop and I knew it…I will quit after they lay my worn-out carcass to rest.

I am grateful this opportunity came my way while we are suffering from the deepest worldwide recession I have ever seen, to say nothing of the natural disasters that have been plaguing the world right and left. Sometimes it is good to step back and be thankful for what we have, instead of worrying about what we think we should have. I am blessed with a fantastic family, a roof over our heads and food to eat. The rest is just icing on the cake.

In the meanwhile, I was again out of bed at exactly three a.m. with my wife’s parting word ringing in my head, “Idiot!”

She’s just saying,

Mittster

The Phoenix Code

While I am finishing my newest murder mystery, The Phoenix Code, I was hoping my fans would help me decide on a cover design. Since the book is about the Phoenix rising from the ashes, what do you think about the picture posted on this blog? The cover will still be similar to Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, but this time a picture of the Phoenix bird will be centered on the cover.

I thought some color other than white with red blood drops would be a nice change of pace. What do you think?

I’m just asking,

Mittster

Write That Idea Down!

People who constantly write down their ideas are one step ahead of all the rest. Og Mandino once wrote, “You only have to be one iota above mediocre to be successful in the world.” I decided long ago that I wanted to be more than just an iota above the rest. I wanted to be light-years above the rest! Well, I never made the light-years part, but I can say, with humility, that I went past the iota level.

After a successful career in the construction industry, I wanted even more intellectually. That’s why I became an author. Here was a chance to express ideas at a rapid-fire pace. Novels are ideas trapped forever in a bottle, so to speak. You open the pages and experiences flow out in abundance. Each page is a microcosm of ideas which combine with other ideas to form a picture in your mind’s eye. The whole book becomes a tapestry of ideas placed in such a way that a story emerges.

Can you tell I place great importance on the simple idea? The trick is to capture the little rascals before they disappear into a forgotten ideas' “black hole” in which nothing returns. That’s where the pen and paper come in, or better yet, the mini-recorder. The mode of capture is not really important - what is important is that you bottle up all those ideas for future use.

I never throw away my ideas; because they can be used over and over again, but in different contexts and scenarios. They are the building blocks of everything I write and soon I plan to compile a personal dictionary of ideas, placed in alphabetical order, for future use. Perhaps the dictionary should be in the form of an e-Book so everyone could use my past ideas, combined with their own, to help write that perfect novel. Now there is an idea I must write down….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Bloggless in Camp Verde

I am on my way to Tucson for a book signing party Saturday the 12th at Hangover’s bar & grill on Alvernon and 22nd. , and it looks like the shindig will last from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., or until the books run out.

I know the blog withdrawals will start in the morning, but I am leaving my laptop at home so I won’t be tempted. Have no fear though, God willing and the creek don’t rise I will be back at it on Monday.

Have a great weekend – I know I will!

Write on,
Mittster

Addicted to Blogs

"Help me, help me, somebody help me," said the half human, half fly, to the spider. For those of you that have seen the original movie, The Fly, perhaps you can understand my addiction to blogging. Brother, I need help to keep from getting consumed by the nasty blogger spider.

When I get up at three a.m. in the morning, all I can think about is reading my e-mails, while savoring the thought of going to Blogspot.com. It’s the chocolate of computer land; more, more, I want more. The blogging monkey is on my back a rockin' and a rollin'. Sweet Chuck Berry, I am feeling good while making rim shots with my computer keys!

I tell myself that blogging is necessary to keep in shape for writing novels. “Write everyday, Mittster, it keep the juices flowing.” The problem is that I am spending less time writing murder mysteries and way too much time blogging. As a matter of fact, I have written so many blogs that they constitute a novel in their own right.

Wait, hold the presses – I have an idea; why not compile all the blogs into a book? What a concept; all along I have been writing another book and didn’t even realize it. “There, Mittster, I told you that blogging was the way to go,” said the spider in my brain. “Bon appétit," I say back to the spider.

Write on,

Mittster

I Hate Football

Three things I should never do: go to a casino, pick a line in the grocery store, or pick a team to win the Super Bowl (or any football game for that matter). Last night I again demonstrated my ability to pick the losing team while making fun of my wife and kids every time the Steelers made a good play.

The two first quarter touchdowns by the Packers should have been a warning, but I had watched the Steelers win important games after big first half deficits before. What, me worry? After watching the Packers lose three star defensive players to injuries, I just knew the game was in the bag.

It was at this point that I put my thumbs up and pretended they were little people talking to each other while attending the game. Lefty spoke first, “Oh, look, Righty, our team just made a touchdown.” Righty responded, “Looks like wifey's team is losing big time!” Then they both said in unison, “Nana, nana, na na, nana, nana, na, na. You are going lose, you are going to lose.” I patterned the skit after the TV show South Park.

I continued this little skit until the fourth quarter and time was running out for my team. My little guys hung their heads in shame and slunk out of the stadium, never to be seen by the eyes of man again. I became silent as the Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl. I was now ready for the texting to start that would make my humiliation complete. My wife just looked at me, smiled and said, “You are such an idiot.”

That I am…that I am,

Mittster

Stop The Presses!

To help get the message out concerning my Tucson, Arizona, book signing of Day Stalker, February 12, at Hangover’s bar & grill at 22nd and Alvernon, I sent the Tucson Daily Citizen newspaper a press release. I was forced to e-mail the release to the person in charge of entertainment because there was no longer a specific address for press releases. The chances of it being printed are slim indeed.

I used to be able to send information concerning special events to any newspaper in the state and they would print a blurb. It seems that the industry is changing rapidly. No more free stuff – I suspect the economy and electronic media are the culprits. Soon you will be only reading the paper on a Kindle device or cell phones. What are we going to use for the bottom of our evil Meyer's parrot cage?

Like everything else; either keep up or drop out. I finally went online and put both murder mysteries in a Kindle format so folks could download and enjoy Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker. We live in an electronic world and I am thankful that early on I stayed with the trend. Of course the young people are light-years ahead of me, but they are all headlong into video games, while I am trying to sell books to my peers. No competition there….

One thing does bother me; with my Website, blog, Twitter, Facebook and promotions, I have little time to write! There is a consolation prize though – every other author is dealing with the same dilemma. The author with the most electronic selling schemes wins the most fans!

Personally, I like tailgate selling. Everywhere I shop you can hear me asking the big question to anyone near me; “Do you like murder mysteries?” The majority either like them or know someone who does. I pass out business cards and many times sell books right on the spot. The best part is that everyone wants a signed book by a local author and they are willing to pay retail for the “autograph.” Little do they know the pleasure is all mine and I really hope they enjoy my books.

Write on,

Mittster

He Who Laughs First

He who laughs first gets laughed at last. Yes, I was making fun of all the people stuck up to their mud flaps in snow in the rest of the country while Arizona was basking in the warm sun. How was I to know we were headed for record-breaking cold throughout the state?

The problem of making fun of someone is that it always comes back to haunt you. Oh, well, at least my cockiness gave rise to some humor for a whole bunch of people who have little to laugh about. My only redemption is that I lived in Michigan for nine years and had a taste of -30 degrees and a boatload of snow.

I have an idea; why doesn’t everyone from the Midwest move to Arizona? Our state would be much warmer by the time you get here, and we could sell you some of the thousands of surplus and foreclosed homes that dot our landscape. You could be part of another construction boom!

Trust me; you will get used to cactus, scorpions, rattlesnakes, Gila monsters, and 118 degree heat. Besides, it really is a dry heat.... Did I ever tell you never trust a man who says “trust me”?

Write on,

Mittster

What Darwin Missed

I am sitting here in my office looking at a calendar with a picture of two beautifully colored parakeets kissing on a tree branch in the wild. The picture struck me as odd in the sense that death from many sources could strike the two love birds down in an instant, but there they were kissing like they were in their own universe.

Our beautiful blue planet harbors a chilling reality. Only the strong survive and eat or be eaten is the rule. Even some plant life is carnivorous and no species is immune from being eaten by something big or small. This is the reality of evolution; this is the reality of life on the third planet from the sun.

There is also another reality not written in the text books. It is the reality and power of love. Every species on earth has the ability to love. Love is supposedly genetic in nature, but never associated with evolution. In the academic world, love is associated with the mating urge. “Animals don’t love; they just follow their instinct to propagate.” To this I say, “Bull poop!”

We humans are finally waking up to the fact that animals are far more intelligent than ever imagined. The size of a brain has always been equated to intelligence. Sometimes size does matter, but not in this case – small brains can have huge ideas. We have a Meyer’s parrot living with us, and when I look into his eyes, I see great intelligence and amazing psychic power. He sees into my mind and understands my thoughts. We communicate on a much higher level than when I talk to my neighbors.

So where is all this leading? Well, sometimes I need to be serious about my blog’s content. I would like my readers to take a minute and love whatever pet is close by. I mean really take the time to let your pet or pets know how much you love them. It’s great practice for loving our fellow human beings too.

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Monday's Blog

After taking many photos Saturday of "Our Gang" at Reader's Oasis Books in Quartzsite, Arizona, for today's blog, I realized the camera USB cord was still in Camp Verde. Not to worry though, the blog will be posted Monday, January 31, for the 13 or 14 folks who read my blogs.

In the meanwhile, I decided to sing and dance for you. Here goes..."Camp Town Lady sing that song, do da, do da. Camp Town Lady sing that song, all the live long day...."

Sing on,

Mittster

Thar she blows!

I have received some e-mails indicating my recent blogs have been crude and in bad taste concerning naked Paul Winer, owner of Reader’s Oasis Book Store in Quartzsite, Arizona. Therefore, even though Paul has been the perfect host for this year’s Author Fair and allowed us to sell our books at his store absolutely free of charge, I now denounce my association with naked Paul.

Instead, I plan to have my next book signing at some boring, snobbish, proper and in good taste book store somewhere in northern Arizona. NOT!

If you don’t like my blogs…blow it out your snob pipe!

Atomic Wedgie

We were shopping at the (very crowded) Big Tent sale in Quartzsite, Arizona, yesterday, when there was a commotion just up ahead. It seems an old gent was stuck behind a group of elderly ladies who were blocking the narrow aisle looking at leather purses.

In his frustration, he grabbed one of the ladies panties and gave her an Atomic Wedgie right in front of the whole crowd of shoppers, while screaming, “I’ll bet you will move out of the way now, you stupid woman!”

Who says all ages can’t have fun at Quartzsite in the winter?

Write on,

Mittster

Tuesday Madness

Do yourself a favor and stay away from Quartzsite, Arizona, right now. The Main Event is taking place and there are thousands, upon thousands of old farts running around in motor homes, quads, sand buggies, jeeps, bicycles, shoes and God only knows what else.

I have never smelled so much lilac perfume and Old Spice in all my born days! It really makes selling my two books, Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, a challenge. My eyes are watering so bad I can't see to make change.

God help us all....

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Quartzsite Again?

Yup, folks, it's Quartzsite, Arizona, time again, but this time it will be different. There will traffic up the kazoo, and more people per square inch than in China. You will be able to see more small, white heads looking over steering wheels than in Florida. The scary part is that these small, white heads will also be driving 40' motor homes. It gives new meaning to the sport of demolition derby!

Why would I leave the quiet of Camp Verde for the madness of Quartzsite? It’s simple; to sell books to 1.5 million old farts like myself, that’s why! Oh, and you can throw in the world’s best pizza at Silly Al’s Restaurant…. Actually the pizza is reason enough to fight off the hordes of old-timers in Quartzsite.

We also found another reason to visit Quartzsite. There is a veterinarian there who charges way less that the vets in the Camp Verde area. How about one third the cost? It’s absolutely true! No, I will not give you his name. If everyone and their mother start going there, he will raise his rates. Moreover, someone his age might not be able to take the stress of so many new animals to take care of. Did I mention that everyone here is old?

Reader’s Oasis Bookstore at 690 East Main Street will be the location of my book signing, and yes, naked Paul will be there in all his glory. Bring a camera; it’s the only way that looking at him is legitimate. Otherwise you could be judged through association. Personally, I could care less about his nudity; looking at prunes is not one of my pastimes.

If you want an interesting day trip from Phoenix, get on Interstate 10 and drive west to Quartzsite, Arizona, which is twenty miles east of Blyth, California. If you plan to spend the night, good luck. You might find a place in Blyth, but I doubt it, and no, there is no extra room in our motor home!

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Passion Is The Key!

Not everyone is going to like what you write. If your goal is to please the whole world, you are writing for the wrong reason. When newbie authors start writing a novel with the dream of becoming a bestselling author, it is only natural that they would want to appeal to the masses. Some new authors started writing in a genera that fit tested and lucrative markets, but their work lacked conviction and they failed. My early research indicated that fiction was not the best choice. It seemed historical and romantic novels were the big sellers.

My research also indicated that writing was about passion, and if that passion was absent you might as well stick to your day job. This news created a dilemma. If non-fiction was where the money was at, but I didn’t have passion about writing in that genera, where would that leave me? Well, it left me exactly where I should be. The hell with the rules; I was going to write fiction and murder mysteries to boot!

I followed my passion and intuition. That combination produced Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, with The Phoenix Code waiting in the wings. Let’s face it, we only go around once in this world, but most of us never get to live our passion. How many times have you heard prominent people say, “Live your dreams no matter what,” and we carry on with our mundane lives afraid to boldly go where no one dare tread? Fear of failure and financial pressures keep us tied to the grind with Mondays being dreaded and weekends our only goal. Not much of a goal when you really think about it. Pretty soon we run out of weekends, with nothing really to show for our life. Perhaps your free time should be devoted to writing so that someday you can write full time?

I have had a few people refuse to finish Evil in the Mirror because it gave them nightmares or some scenes were too graphic. From my perspective, these comments only illustrated a job well done by the author. Even though I refuse to put the F word in my books, one reader said the sexual content was smut. OK, that person has the right to their opinion, albeit prudish. I am proud of the fact that when you read my books you will not be inundated with curse words like in some books and movies. If that is what you have to do to sell your work, I would rather dig ditches!

No, you can’t please everyone, but you can start by pleasing yourself. Sit down and write something you are deeply passionate about. Don’t stop until it is finished. Sit back and take a look at what you have written. If it gives you goose bumps, you are on the right track.

Write on,

Mittster

Self-Cannibalism

Can you believe it? The Internet parasites that preyed upon any unsuspecting newbie who happened along are now huddled in small groups wondering what happened to their pocket books. They are all screaming, “Where did all the suckers go?” “It must be the economy!” “Let’s kill other spammers so there will be more money to go around!”

Yes, part of it is the economy, but more importantly it is that the old scams and promises of fortunes to be made while sitting on the couch watching television are no longer relevant. When the economy took a dump, everyone got on the e-mail spam wagon hoping to earn money by spending even more money, until the money ran out. Now the spammers are feeding on themselves. Soon there will be none left. At least that is the hope of honest Web surfers.

As an author doing book research on line, the Internet could be a death trap. My computer died many times from weird viruses and sites that were impossible to escape from. The maze was terrifying and for a time it seemed the only solution was a dictionary and thesauruses. The old- fashion way of research was looking good again.

Then, along came the Super Recession and slowly things started to improve online. Internet searches have become less dangerous and the mazes less frequent. Spam is starting to lessen and some of the Internet squawk is an insight to infighting between the hucksters. You have to love it…wait a minute, I hear something. Let me turn the volume up. What the hell, my screen is starting to flicker. Oh, my God, it’s the spammers. Somehow they found me and are attacking my computer! Help, someone help me….

Write on,

Mittster R.I.P.

Super Recession?

How does a newbie author sell books in a super recession? First of all you take your clothes off in the middle of Main Street; no, I’m just kidding. In my case, I would get arrested after I scared everyone away. Even though the idea is absurd, frustration is the mother of invention sometimes.

Every business owner is trying to figure out how to get people into their stores to increase sales. I have found book sales in obvious and not so obvious places. Take your specialty coffee houses like Starbucks or your local cyber café; these are perfect places to set up a small table to sell books. There is nothing better than a hot cup of cappuccino and a good book to start your day. This is especially true in the winter. Most owners welcome the opportunity to have you bring in more customers.

I have done well in bars, especially if you have friends there. This venue is good in the summer when folks go in to have a cold one. There are a few things to remember when you are selling books to folks who are drinking alcohol. First and foremost, don’t get drunk! Secondly, the genre needs to be suited to a bunch of beer drinking, redneck types. If your book has sex and violence in it, head for the pub. Drink and sell responsibly….

How about beauty salons? Leave a few books at the checkout counter. These women all read and most read anything that has a good storyline. This venue is not the place to leave books about how to hunt elk in Colorado or the greatest fishing spots in America. Murder mysteries and love stories will do very well indeed.

How about your local auto repair shop? Leave some books in the display case. The great thing about this venue is that all age groups are represented. I imagine most genres could do well here. It is important that you get your oil changed and repairs done at the auto repair shop you pick.

These are just a few places to think about when selling your work. Make sure to tell store owners, where you leave books, that you will be available to sign the work after the sale. A signed book justifies paying retail. After all, the buyer could just as easily go on line.

I also recommend that you do some research on door-to-door selling. You know, just like the preverbal vacuum cleaner salesmen who used to go door to door selling overpriced products. No, I’m not suggesting selling books door to door. Or am I? I need to go now so I can research encyclopedia sales techniques of the ‘60s. Don’t be surprised if I knock on your door soon!

Write on,

Mittster

A Terrorist's Worst Enemy

A friend e-mailed me a very interesting article about a former Israeli secret agent named Juval Aviv. Normally I would not waste your time (or mine for that matter) on Internet gossip, but after Mr. Aviv predicted several terrorist attacks correctly, I believe his credibility is grounds for reading the article. He is now working as a security consultant for the U.S. Congress.

After reading the piece, I came away with the conviction that we are crazy if we think our government can protect us against terrorists. Take charge of you and your loved ones' security. Don't wait for the government to play the reactionary game. Be proactive with the safety of your children, grandchildren and loved ones. Aware Americans are the terrorists' worst enemy, not ineffective government security!

Click on the link below and make your own conclusions….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

Advice from an Israeli Agent

Front-Page Story

Our Camp Verde newspaper, The Bugle, did a front-page article last Wednesday titled The Storytellers, and low and behold there was a picture of my book and me on the front and second page along with two other self-published authors. I think the three of us now rank as local celebs.

It seems every month that passes my hard work to promote Evil in the Mirror and Day Stalker, plus continuing to write The Phoenix Code (which will complete the trilogy), gets me a little closer to being a best-selling author. Of course that is my goal and dream, but making some money at it would be nice too.

Anyone who reads my blogs knows how I preach to newbie writers about never giving up on their passion to create the perfect novel and become known to the world. Sometimes I have to look in the mirror and pinch myself so that I can believe just how far I have come in less than two years. Have I ever been discouraged? Sure, but I never lost faith in my abilities and the quality of my work. I write a mean murder mystery; and if you don't toot your own horn, who will?

I can tell you this much; living in a small community really helps. When I write early in the morning, Camp Verde is quiet as a mouse. It doesn't get any better than that when a writer needs to concentrate. I wish every community in Arizona were like this town. "The Mittster, his wife, four dogs and a parrot live in the perfect place."

I'm just saying....