Monday, January 3, 2011

Digital Smijital

So my wife has a new fangled cell phone and I am stuck with the Stone Age model. Who cares? Originally, the whole freaking idea of cell phones was to call someone while away from the land line model at the house in the case of an emergency. I don’t think my wife watching soap operas while I am driving qualifies as an emergency. According to her, I now stand corrected!

And while we are at it, what the hell is text messaging all about? I can understand letting your fingers do the walking in the Yellow Pages, but letting your fingers do your talking? That’s like letting your butt do the seeing for God’s sake. Although, my wife has accused me of having butt vision on more than one occasion!

And what about those teeny, tiny letter and number buttons? In the first place, I can’t see them and in the second place my fingers cover three of the little critters at one time. What I can’t believe is that young people sound like little machine guns while texting with their thumbs. I tried texting on my wife’s phone with my thumbs and the noise it admitted sounded like a squealing pig in Deliverance.

One reason my wife wanted the new fangled phone was so she could get on line and Google the answers to things we forget on a daily basis. You know, like actors in a movie or the name of a song. I knew this meant trouble for me. I would blurt out answers not really knowing if they were correct and she would have to just take my word for it. Now she knows when I am talking out of my butt vision!

Oh, here is good one; cell phones are also cameras. Not just still photos, but video to boot. And the kicker is that wifey can now instantly text the pictures to family members who really don’t want to see their dad picking his nose! My whole secret life is now right out in the open for the world to see. Talk about Big Brother; 300 million people in America are all armed with camera phones! A guy can’t even scratch his privates secretly in public anymore.

Let’s not forget the ringtones. I have never heard so many disgusting sounds come out of a small digital box in my whole born days! When I get in a large crowd of people and phones start ringing, I don’t know if I should dance, sing, cry or run. I do like the elk mating call ring tone though. Go figure, my wife says….

She’s just saying,


No comments: