Friday, January 7, 2011

Old is Gold

Yesterday, as I was walking among other retired folks in Quartzsite, Arizona, looking at the many items for sale at vendors’ tents, I spied a young couple, surely in their forties, maybe even younger, shopping. I instantly raised the alarm and all of the old farts within earshot looked in the direction of the young couple.

At first there were only murmurs. What the hell are they doing here? This cannot be tolerated! Then one voice rang out loud and clear, “Get a rope!” That was it; the young couple bolted and ran toward the parking lot.

They easily reached their motor home ahead of us and locked themselves inside. As we surrounded the motor home, someone yelled, “Let’s tip it over!” The scene had turned really ugly. As the young couple drove slowly out of the lot, trying not to run over anyone, the cries of pain from pulled backs, knees, groins and shoulders could be heard throughout the land, as most of us lay squirming in the dirt after our futile attack.

The ones still standing threw rocks at the departing motor home, but because they were unable to lift large rocks, the small stones just bounced off doing little harm. I could hear laughter coming from the young couple. The bastards were laughing at us! “He who laughs first will surely not laugh last. Let’s get ‘em,” I yelled to the three still standing.

We rushed slowly to our quads, mounted, and then raced off in the direction of the retreating motor home. The young couple turned right on highway 95 and headed for Yuma with the four of us right on their tail. It was then I realized I had to pee. Damn, I said to myself as I pulled off the road. The rest followed me; it seemed we all had to pee.

As we huddled around a mesquite tree peeing and cussing out the young couple’s motor home, which was disappearing beyond the horizon, an Arizona Highway Patrol car skidded to a stop, the officer got out and ordered us to stop peeing. It was obvious he wasn’t an old fart or he would have known we couldn’t stop until completion!

I called my wife from the Justice of the Peace office after I had paid the fine for indecent exposure and told her I would be home soon. She said, “How was the shopping, dear?” I answered, “Fine, darling, same old, same old.”

Write on,


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