Baby, It's Cold Outside

Perhaps I am throwing gasoline on an open fire, but I feel the need to help vindicate Paul Winer (the owner of Reader's Oasis Book Store in Quartzsite, Arizona) from a bum rap because of his desire to run around almost naked all the time. I found him (Paul) to be articulate, educated, knowledgeable, generous, caring and likable. The fact that he is butt ugly should not lessen the validity of the above statements concerning his character.

Perhaps if we could walk a day in his shoes (I can’t remember if he wears shoes; I was afraid to look down), we would better understand his commitment to being a naturalist, which is different than being a nudist. A naturalist can get away with just a sock on it in public, while a nudist would go to jail for the lack of a sock on it.

As to the plan of imitating Paul at Sunday’s book signing. I did manage to buy a small sock for myself. Wait a minute; I know what you are thinking. Give me a break, it’s cold down here this time of the year! In any case, I put on the sock with a waist string and paraded in front of my wife. That was yesterday, and in case you are wondering, she is still laughing.

I have decided to go to plan B. Plan A just won’t work; I looked worse than Paul. I know what will happen if I wear the sock. All the old ladies will still flock to Paul for pictures while I freeze my butt off alone and almost naked. I also will be sleeping in my truck Sunday night because my wife refuses to be married to an idiot. Can’t say I blame her….

I’m just saying,

Mittster

P.S.: Click on Paul Winer if you want to see him play a mean piano and hear him sing!

Naked Paul

I am sure there have been numerous articles written about the owner of the Readers Oasis Bookstore in Quartzsite, Arizona. I figure one more won’t hurt anyone, except maybe their eyes.

I do have some measure of respect for any man who thinks everyone on the planet should admire his manhood when he is young and virile. It’s a man thing to do so. I draw the line though when men (and women) reach a certain age. Paul and I have reached that age, ages ago.

I am wondering what possesses someone in the public eye (pun intended) to seek nakedness in their place of business?
By Jove, I think I have the answer! You can’t check out Quartzsite, Arizona, on line without seeing Paul’s sack staring up at you on every page (God forbid). His image is everywhere on the Web whether you like it or not. Duh, advertizing is his motivation and it works very well.

Now let me see; I will be selling my books at his store site this weekend. He will be practically naked; therefore I should be practically naked. That’s it; I will steal his formula for success!

I’ve got so many details to work out. Where will I find a sack and what color; do I wear body makeup, should I make sure my butt hairs are trimmed? Crap (pun intended), I need to check the weather reports, I may need a furlined sack....

I’m just saying,

Mittster

I came, I saw, It conquered!

Well, the stairs and landing are completed for the motor home here in Quartzsite. I even managed to install the brass headboard for the handrail. While the project looks good, the Mittster, I fear, does not. In other words, the job kicked my booty for sure.

I haven’t had my tool belt on in ages and in the meantime, I have aged too (no kidding, Dick Tracy). The skill saw felt like it weighed 100 lbs. and after a short while the hammer did too! How can someone forget how to use a framing square after being a carpenter since caveman times? What happened to the measure twice cut once rule? I managed to totally screw up an eight foot, two by twelve. By the way, did I mention prices at the local hardware store are outrageous? I might add that also includes the two by twelve.

We do have pictures of the whole operation, but unfortunately, I forgot the camera USB cord. Maybe it’s just as well; I was pretty cranky by the time wifey started taking them. I will post them on a later blog so that the multitudes who read my blogs (sixteen now; I lost one reader last week) can see them.

There is a big storm heading this way today from California. Normally that would be bad news in the sunny lower desert, but I am on my hands and knees thanking God. There is no way I can work outside for a couple of days because of rain, which is the exact time I need to heal my broken, hurting back. I guess I will just have to relax, watch TV, eat pizza and vegetate. Oh, wait a minute…crap, I have to finish writing tomorrow’s blog, work on The Phoenix Code, continue reading the epic 1001 Ways to Market Your Books, and visit naked Paul at the Oasis Book Store to arrange for a spot to sell my book Evil in the Mirror this weekend.

There is no rest for the wicked murder mystery writer this trip to Quartzsite, Arizona. Who am I kidding, no one feels sorry for me anyway. Everyone should have it this bad!

Write on,

Mittster

Quartzsite Madness

Let me see...250,000 motor homes + 1.5 million retired folks who love murder mysteries = Customers! Sell - Sell - Sell; and that is exactly why I am here in lovely downtown Quartzsite, Arizona.

We arrived about 2:30 p.m. yesterday to cool air in the shade, but plenty of warm sunshine. After greeting our neighbors, Bessy and Bill, from across the street (whom we haven't seen since last winter), we unpacked all our stuff from the truck into our motor home. We managed to turn on the power, water, fridge and heater without incident. Knock on wood; everything works including the television! Life is indeed good.... While I sell books, wifey can watch The Young and the Restless, thus making both of us happy campers. Needless to say, we collapsed from fatigue early and slept like logs until the dogs woke us up needing to go outside. Why can't someone invent a bathroom for dogs that automatically flushes itself after use?

This time we have a house sitter at home to feed the cats and watch the place while we are gone. Last time we depended on a automatic feeder that proved to be worthless and Mum had to feed the little critters everyday anyway. We still managed to bring four dogs and our evil parrot, Pickles, with us. I can't imagine not having our little friends with us when we travel. We are truly a family.

Tomorrow, I will visit Paul at his Oasis Book Store and set up a booth for this weekend to sell books. I also plan to build a permanent landing and stairs for the motor home this visit. The existing steps into the motor home are like climbing Mt. Everest. If one of us accidentally tripped while getting out of the motor home, we would end up in the dog run face down in doggy poo with God only knows how many broken bones!

We are looking forward to a nice working vacation here and if success is measured by feeling good about a location, Quartzsite is already successful. God, I love it here....

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Something To Blog About

I received an e-mail from Google informing me that they had donated 20 million dollars to worldwide charities in 2010. They also thanked me and everyone who uses Google for making that donation possible. Personally, 20 million dollars doesn't register on my Richter scale - it only goes to a couple hundred thousand and then rolls over and plays dead.

I have always preferred Google for my search engine, but it wasn't until I was introduced to Google Blogspot that I began to really appreciate the company. It's great that the site is free, but more importantly (unlike most Web freebies), Blogspot is a fantastic and professional looking blog page! You can do everything the paid sites can do and more. Such a deal! There is something in this world that is actually free.

As an author, blogging is a must. Because of my teaching to learn philosophy, reaching out with a blog takes on a new and exciting dimension. I like to share my experiences in the writing world with the newbies who are trying to write, publish, and share their work. With a blog, your writings can truly be seen by billions of people!

Because I have managed to get two books published, I do feel that I can teach others who want to become published authors to avoid the pitfalls I encountered on my journey. Why make costly mistakes along the way. Everything I have written to help folks on my blog is also free. I learned that from Blogspot.

My site has well over 200 past blogs. I admit not all are about being an author, but each and every one is about being a writer. The good, bad and ugly are all there waiting for you to read. Pick out the things that may help you walk through the minefield of becoming a published author and disregard the ones that don't. I do hope you find some of my writing funny because without some humor, your journey will indeed be a long one.

One thing is for sure; while I am trying to teach you from my experiences, I will learn just as much or more than you. It's that teach to learn thing. Once you get published, try teaching what you have learned. The results may surprise you....

Write on,

Mittster

Post Christmas Day

Twas the day after Christmas, and it's quiet from parties and such,
Except for the moans of sour stomachs from eating too much.
There are bags of fresh fruit, cookies and candy,
Waiting to be eaten as soon as we feel dandy.

All our doggies are snuggled and sleeping in our bed,
As we lay there moaning, wishing we were dead.
Pray tell what ever possessed us to eat all that dinner,
One thing's for sure, we will never get thinner.

Out in the kitchen there rose such a clatter,
It was my daughter holding a mac and cheese platter.
Come help me eat it she said with love,
as I awoke from the nightmare thanking God up above.

One thing is for sure this post Christmas day,
If I eat one more bite there will be hell to pay.
Even though hunger comes from human evolution,
I will never eat again is my New Year's resolution.

I'm just saying,

Mittster

Christmas!

I Googled pictures of Santa Claus and picked this one because this is the Santa I grew up with as a child. I know, there are those who will say that this one symbolizes commercialism in Christmas. Well, that may be true, but it's my blog and this is my Santa!

My wife and I had a wonderful Christmas Eve (at our son and his wife's house), with friends and family. We drank homemade Tom and Jerry's, ate fabulous sausage and sauerkraut, crab dip, olive dip, delicious cold shrimp with sauce, and assorted candies and nuts. You see, all the foods were given to each other in lieu of presents. At least that was the plan due to financial hardships caused by the economy. But, there were those in attendance (you know who you are), who presented homemade goody baskets, small, but wonderful gifts, and some gave large sums of money to those who needed it the most. No matter what was agreed to, giving is what the season is all about.

While we were all enjoying each other’s company, soft Christmas music played in the background. The house that we had helped build from the ground up was filled with love and companionship, while the Christmas tree and decorations gave off a magical feeling that is always associated with the holiday season. It was great to be part of the magic that is called Christmas.

We left happy, thankful for family and friends, and arrived back home just in time to see some Christmas lights in our neighborhood. The whole day had been sunny and clear, which is typical of the winter Arizona desert. While wifey drove back toward our Verde Valley from the Prescott area, I gave thanks for the beautiful country we live in and the wonderful life we live. We have all been through hard times before and I know that this too shall pass.

Christmas day will dawn with a bright, warm sun and deep blue skies. We plan to have dinner with my wife's mother (whom we affectionately call Mum), and our daughter Nissa. She was unable to share Christmas Eve with us due to work obligations, so we will make it up to her today with a nice dinner at Denny's. Denny's, you say? None of us want to cook or do dishes, and it's all that is open. I hope I can get a double cheeseburger with fries. Now that's my kind of Christmas dinner!

I'm just saying,

Mittster