I do understand dear Lady.
One day after 20 years of smoking, I realized that spending a fortune to feel like crap had to stop. I was so tired of waking up with a nicotine hangover! I simply put them down, walked away and smoked no more forever.
It was the toughest thing I ever did in my life and even though my marriage failed, my life did not! My ex has continued smoking to this day and her health is now failing even though she is not yet 55 years old.
All the literature say's that nicotine is just as addictive as opiates. No wonder it's so hard to quit! The tobacco companies hooked us and then left us alone to figure out how to quit. I had tried all the patches and pills, but to no avail.
Please do not be too hard on yourself though. Failure is just the precursor to success!!!! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with YOUR life. This is YOUR life, but it is not a dress rehearsal. You only go around once. What you do today will dictate what your life will be like later.
I can't stand the thought of anyone having to lug a heavy air tank around in a wheel chair because they can't breathe, or having to deal with cancer or both!! I have lost loved ones to cancer and it is just horrible.
You are young, intelligent and beautiful. You do not have to give up even one of these attributes later in life if you will just stand up and be who you are! You do not need nicotine, alcohol or drugs to demonstrate your true nature. You are a "Spiritual Being having a human experience." You have all the tools to quit smoking or anything else that is hurting you.
Take a close look at my profile. What do you see? I am the example. I say this with modesty and humility. What you see is what you get when you tune into Devine Love and tune out all the crap that makes you hurt inside until you break down and cry!
Life is so wonderful. Am I sitting in a rocker waiting to die? No! I am going out kicking and screaming just like when I arrived. It comes down to choices you make now. Please write when you need support. I am here for you always.
Your Smoking Guardian Angel,