Sunday, August 21, 2011
These letters were not proofed or edited - they are from the heart.
I got a call from Laura yesterday and she told me about Walt. I called him after we got off the phone. I did not know you had emailed me because I'm such a baby about being on a computer that's not mine. Well, time to get over myself. I may even join Facebook cause people/family are contacting me.
Walt didn't seem to want to talk about it much so we talked about kids and unwanted drama.
I guess I am still in some shock. I don't know what to do except be with him when ever I can. My heart goes out to you Baw. I am stumbling around here trying to think of what to say and not doing to good. I love you Baw. I love you both no matter where our pasts have taken us.
Lord, I really miss Mom right now.
I will be checking my email at least 4 times a week when I'm at work until I can get something else set up so I have more access.
All My Love,
Walt defiantly does not want to talk about his situation...remind you of someone we knew who passed from Melanoma? Right now he is in the present trying to deal with chemo and it's side effects. He is way passed removal or radiation. Walt and I are going to ride to Durango for Labor day. I am hoping the high country of Colorado will lift his spirits and perform magic.
My response has been to write blogs about why men should get a prostate exam once a year. Hell, mine was removed in 2000 and I still get a yearly check up for PSA. I ragged on your brother many times to get his checked, but, alas, he did it his way. He even lied to me and said he had the exam and that everything was OK. I knew he was not getting check ups, but what can you do? It's his life and I can't live it for him.
I have researched his type of cancer over and over and all I can say is that Prostate cancer is not curable. He will be taking a new and powerful drug that Medicare will pay for. The mean extended life span is four months. Can you believe the drug costs $73,000 for three shots? All that for a lousy four months! Walt goes in for another blood test next week to see if his PSA (a specific prostate enzyme)is lower. The optimum level is .04 - mine was 7.5 when it was removed and it took radiation to get it to .01. Walt's was 180 when he finally got it checked. It then rose to 240 in just a few weeks proving he had a very aggressive cancer. All ten biopsies were positive and the race was on to extend his life. We are now hoping his PSA has lowered with chemo treatments.
With all that said so that you know what he is dealing with, it is no wonder he doesn't want to talk about it. At first Walt didn't even want to tell his children. After much discussion, I finally got through to him how wrong that would have been. He called everyone and let them know what is going on...the watered down version. He asked me to contact you, which I did via e-mail. I guess I should have called you, but at the time all I would do is break down crying. I felt I should have done more to make sure he got a checkup. Of course that is nonsense, we both have always been independent and done everything the hard way.
There you have it, Sis.... There is nothing more I can say. The whole thing is left up to medical science and personal belief systems about God. I read everything I could about Dennis Hopper's death from Prostate cancer and came to the conclusion that Walt surely is going to leave us. I plan to call him everyday and be with him when I can. I just started two construction jobs in Sedona and the contractor is from Hawaii. My weeks are full because he depends on me totally. Last weekend I drove to Quartzsite to service our motor home and water trees, then straight to Walt's house for a visit, then back home to start Monday's new job. 800 miles later I felt like a Mac truck ran me down. God, getting old sucks!!
I hope all is well in your corner of the world....