Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Beldar For President

I was watching the movie Coneheads the other night and noticed some obvious comparisons to the onslaught of unsolicited political messages on our phone 24/7. In today's world, I don't equate these repetitious, nauseating, disruptive and insanely loud calls as part of the democratic system. Politicians who use this kind of campaigning grab me by the base of my snarglies!

I think all politicians who use deceptive, cruel, demeaning and heartless advertisement should have to Narfle the Garthok. No golf clubs of any kind will be allowed in the arena. No longer will a politician be able to ask, "May I have 55,000 words with you?" Instead, said politicians shall pee their pants and speak in tongues at the sight of the Garthok. Trust me, my tired and yearning fellow Americans, the obnoxious politicians as we know them will be gone for ever more. You do not want to face the Garthok!

While watching the movie, another thought came to me. Beldar and Prymatt are the perfect couple to be President and First Lady. They are undocumented aliens and no Conehead has ever been president. Instead of the annual Easter egg hunt, we could have the annual toss the ring around the cone spectacle. All the little kiddies could throw rings at the President and First Lady's heads. What better way to stay in touch with the people who elected them in the first place than Conehead children having fun? In the movie, ring tossing around one's cone was sexual in nature, but in real life and on the East Lawn, Beldar and Prymatt would have to control themselves.

One line from the movie really sicks out (no pun intended). Otto asks Beldar if he has any more of the gum he is chewing. Beldar answers, "Certainly," and hands him a wrapped condom. That's how I feel every time a politician tries to tell me what he or she is going to do to help the economy and fix our political system.

Here is the real deal...everyone needs to vote in November. It's time to be heard and the only way is to vote the incumbents out of office. Especially the career, free-loading, ass-wipe, good old boys who hide behind legislation that enables them to have perks the rest of us working (if you're lucky enough to have a job) stiffs will never have!

I'm just saying,


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